The things my Mother taught me

My Mum sent me these as she thought I would like to share with you..

* My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - if your going to kill each other do it outside- I just finished cleaning.

* My mother taught me RELIGION- you better pray that comes out of the carpet

* My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL-if you don't straighten up I'm going to knock you into next week

* My mother taught me LOGIC- because I said so, that's why

* My mother taught ne IRONY-keep laughing and I'll give you some thing to cry about

* My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS- shut your mouth and eat your supper

* My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM- will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck

* My mother taught me about STAMINA-you'll sit there till all that spinach is finished

* My mother taught me about WEATHER- it looks as if a tornado swept through your room

* My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS- if I yelled because I saw a meteor coming towards you would you listen then

* My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY- if I've told you once I've told you a million times don't exaggerate

* My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -I brought you into this world and I can take you out

* My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION-STOP ACTING LIKE YOUR FATHER

Anything sound familiar?